CHILDREN'S MENTAL HEALTH AWARENESS WEEK
February 7th to 13th is Children's Mental Health Awareness Week.
We hear a lot about children's mental health these days and how many children are experiencing anxiety disorders and other emotional and psychologically based difficulties.
Is this something new? Has something changed with children's lives and the things they experience growing up today that years ago children did not experience? I think the answer is both yes and no. Obviously life and the way we live, expectations, pressures, situations experienced whether culturally, personally do change. But something else has changed to.
Years ago many or most children - and adults for that matter - were encouraged to put up and shut up. In other words, stop complaining or worrying and just get on with it. The result, of course, was generations of children who learnt to bottle their feelings and to regard how they felt as unimportant. Far worse, they became adults who projected the frustrations and anger and anxiety that such putting up and shutting up caused onto their friendships, relationships in general, their partners and, very sadly, their own children.
Children who were dragged from their beds and led through darkness and the sound of bombs exploding to air raid shelters during the Second World War, would have been terrified. They would have had mothers who were experiencing their own levels of horror knowing husbands, fathers, brothers or young adult sons were away and in danger. The stiff upper lip and the just keep going and be brave attitude got them through it - physically - but left emotional and psychological scars that are still in evidence today. It was no one's fault. It was simply the way life was handled then and some will claim it worked.
There was kindness and help then too of course. Today there are still children who live in areas of the world where there is conflict and fighting and danger, or who have had to flee their homes or countries with their parents. They are living with the huge emotional impact and scarring that could last their entire lives. But today there is far more knowledge and awareness of how to take care of the emotional impact of anxiety inducing or traumatic situations. We know much more about how the brain develops and works, the impact of different types of deprivation or danger and how humans react and respond instinctively to keep themselves "safe".
Thankfully, most of us live in areas of peace. But sadly, there are always children experiencing severe bullying, emotional or physical abuse, confusion about their sense of identity, or the pressures and harmful sides of some social media activity. Our growing knowledge of emotional and mental health matters means we have a responsibility to make sure children learn to recognise and accept their different emotional states. Let's teach them that is not just ok to be not ok, but that finding help or asking for help is normal, brave, healthy and what everyone needs to do - adults and children alike.
How do we help? What is one of the simplest things we can do?
I recently read an article about how people respond to others when they express worry or distress over something happening in their lives. What we say in response has a huge effect and can either leave someone feeling invalidated, unsupported, unheard and in further distress, or not.
Unhelpful responses include:
"At least it's not.....or, it could be worse"
"You shouldn't feel that way"
"Just get on with it"
"Try not to worry
Responses that make someone feel heard and understood start with a basic acknowledgement like:
"That's really upsetting/difficult/hard/painful" . This is validating the person's emotional experience instead of dismissing it.
Focussing on listening rather than giving advice or conveying our own experience is essential. I know I don't do enough listening and it is hard to stop yourself from jumping in with ideas of what to do when, really, the person needs (more than anything) a sense of being heard and acknowledged and to actually be allowed to feel how they feel.
Parents and teachers can use all sorts of resources to help children learn about emotions and feelings. Learning through stories, games and fun activities enables children to discover the myriad of human emotional states, how to befriend and accept emotions and grow healthy techniques for dealing with anxiety, fears and difficult situations. That way they are ready when problems strike.
Stories are a great way to help children learn about themselves and others. They provide a cosy and non-threatening way into discussions and talking about feelings and emotions.
Using or making "affirmation" cards is also a fun way to build emotional skills.
So, whether you are a parent, grandparent, teacher, child care worker or someone who creates ideas and resources that have an impact of children's emotional well-being let's look out for those opportunities when support and encouragement can make all the difference.
Support organisations for children in distress or in danger of harm:
NSPCC
Childline
